Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
bring money and cleavage
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
