I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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