When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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