Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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