Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
