Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
they call him Oral-B. enough said
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
