And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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