Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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