so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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