I'm so fucking centered right now
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
im holly from the hills drunk
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stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
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All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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