judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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