I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
