Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
