sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
