i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
