we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
