omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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