Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
