wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
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