i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
