i love accidental penises.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
