Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
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