I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
