Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You were trust falling into bushes
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
