it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
