So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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