Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
wat bout pragnant strippers??
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
