apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
