you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
