If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I need to calm my uterus...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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