I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
