listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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