What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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