I bet he comes in French.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
