She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
