What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
