Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
