She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
