Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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