I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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