dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
the room spins SO much faster in panama
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
