So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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