Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
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Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
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you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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