I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
