just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
