First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
