Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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