I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
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I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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