When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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