you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.