so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.