PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
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She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
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Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now