im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.