I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.