my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer