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just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
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