My room smells like vodka and shame
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner