Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
