Just fell off a train. Bad.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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