I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
