we have pet lesbian snakes
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
