That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
