happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
