Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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