You made me cry and you don't even care
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
