Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
