I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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