He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
