Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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