need another drink. this is the easiest way
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
