I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize