i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
