Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
