I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
