So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
