I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
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