Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
