look no pants
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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